During our trip to Walmart after the gym this morning Rylee verbalized that she wanted some more ‘bubbles.’ She continued this verbalization until she personally placed them in the shopping cart. Then began the continuous want to ‘play with bubbles.’ So once we got home, and put the meat in the fridge we ‘play with bubbles!!’ ‘YAY.’
Here’s some pictures. The rest can be seen here. Videos can be seen here.
If you knew me in late 2001 and early 2002 you knew a Regina that was throwing up a lot, in constant pain, and at times someone who could barely move. Luckily, I had really great friends. Terrific friends. Amazingly wonderful friends who helped me pick up my own slack and make sure I made it where I needed to and when I needed to.
If you know me as of late I’ve had a complete turn around. Except for lately. The exhaustion returned a few weeks ago. My period wasn’t so bad, but I did cramp a little more than usual. But, boy, last night was the return of the old Regina I had hoped had been long forgotten. My body beating me up again. I was having extreme pain, having a constant feeling of nausea, and the occasional follow through. This morning the pain only increased and my appitite subsided. I called my doctor which promptly ordered me to the ER. Was it appendicitis? or the dreaded return of killer ovarian cyst? (Appendicitis, please?) Not that either were going to be great news, but at least one has somewhat of a cure… get it out.
Not my luck. After urine tests, and blood tests, I was sent back to the old trusty intravaginal ultrasound machine. YAY! There it was. A nasty ovarian cyst plaguing my right ovary (apparently directly below my appendix). Hopefully, this is a quick one, and I’m not having months of my previous me return.
After two days of riding around in a car with little incedent, I’ve decided that maybe, just maybe we can get to Texas all right. Maybe.
This might be written out of frustration. I have definantly not taken the time to think about this too hard, but we are having difficulties with Rylee staying in her carseat ~ especially when it’s just the two of us. She wants to ride in the front seat, but due to laws I can’t even move her carseat to the front. I’ve done everything I can possibly imagine to keep her seated and buckled properly, but she just knows how to manipulate the car seat system. As of right now I can’t keep her in her seat for 40 minutes so it’s doubtful that twelve hours will be successful. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to keep her seated?
I have discovered that over the past couple of years I’ve managed to lose myself. I’m not sure why either. It may have something to do with trying to live up to what I thought society and my family would consider the perfect mother. I kept hearing phrases in my head like, ‘you’re a mother now, that’s not appropriate’ or ‘mother’s shouldn’t do that.’ What I have recently discovered though is that my daughter deserves me, not me pretending to be who others think she deserves.
I’m not sure why this took me a ridiculously long time to discover. I’m essentially the same person I’ve always been. The friends that I’ve had along the way have been good friends. Friends that I can go a couple of years without seeing, and when we see each other it feels like yesterday. Then there are the people who don’t like me…for whatever their reasons may be — it’s fine. There are plenty of people that I don’t like for no normal good reason at all.
I think what made me start this whole realization is a simple e-mail I sent to an FRG leader from whom I’ve been trying to have add me to the e-mail list for a year — normally I wouldn’t care, but I always receive the newsletters after the fact. I’m not saying that I want to always go to these different functions — they’re not really important here since there is no deploying — they’re strictly functions; dress swaps, tea, and other things that I could really care less about. But things that are fundraisers I’m slightly interested in, and if I have to endure gossipy women over ‘tea’ then so be it. This is the e-mail I sent:
We’ve been here almost a year now, and every time I submit my e-mail address something goes awry and I never receive a response, and never get any correspondence through e-mail.
This is what I considered: short, sweet, and to the point. I didn’t send it to offend, or to be rude. I simply had a two year old trying to pull the computer down and I wanted to hurry. I have never met this person, so I don’t know anything about her. There was nothing else for me to say. Apparently this e-mail did offend, and it was brought up to my husband (who didn’t see anything wrong with it either).
I know I’m getting away from the point here, but maybe Tom is right when he says I don’t need to try to make friends (or nice) with some of these people. This is really a different rant, for a later date, but it’s very aggrivating (the situation…. not my husband being right.)
If this person had made any contact with me over the past year, maybe she’d have understood the attitude of the e-mail better. Who knows really, but while I was debating over whether I could see it being rude at all I also self reflected.
I realized that I’m not comfortable in my skin. I’m me, without a true presence. I don’t feel like I’ve changed inward, not much, I’m still the optimistic pessimist and I still know what I want.
This month I’m dedicating 500% of myself to trying to get a leg up on my size. I’ve always had lots of muscle so my weight hasn’t been a very accurate measurement of my size. When I was 13…a size 4…I weighed 120lbs. I maintained that through my senior year…. occasionally fluctuating to a six, and then between a 4,6 and 8 depending on who I was buying once I got hips in Los Angeles. (I swear it was an overnight occurance…. no hips, then BAM hips) It was never more than an 8 though, and I was 100% confident in my appearance. Then I started having surgeries, which blew me up, and getting the extra weight was a little more difficult… then with all of my problems during pregnancy, the toxemia and the water retention that came with ( up to 220 lbs), and the almost 6 weeks of bed rest and then the c-section that mutilated my stomach muscles, and then the no exercise allowed for 8 weeks, and then all of the tragedies that struck my family for a 3 month duration that added tons of stress, and waiting to hear from Tom while he was deployed, and moving 4 times in three states during a one year period, and the normal stress of a baby and toddler, having my tubes burned getting extra hormonal chaos…… I lost myself. I’m not having a set goal of how many inches I want to lose, I’m just going to work my ass off (hopefully literally) for the next month and see where it gets me. I’ve recently joined the only gym in a 60 mile radius that offers childcare (for four hours in the mornings), and plan to go everyday I possibly can.
Since weighing 220lbs I’m currently fluxuating between 170 – 180; since being a size 18 (!!!) I’m fluxuating between a 10-12. My goal isn’t to necessarily get down to a size 6, but to be the healthiest I’ve been aside from all the medical abnormalities that I have (If you don’t know what I’m referring to, you can ask). However a size 6 again would be nice.
My list of things to change:
I think that’s about it… for now.
